


A Little Light

by Bushee



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:20:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bushee/pseuds/Bushee
Summary: His feelings for Adam were a complicated thing. It had taken Ronan long enough acknowledge the way he looked a little deeper, stayed a little longer, and burned a little hotter around Adam.We’re best friends,he told himself,and nothing more.Ronan did not lie. This was when he discovered he could not lie to himself, either.~★~
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 16
Kudos: 153





	A Little Light

**Author's Note:**

> It's good to be back! This is my first time writing anything in the TRC fandom, despite it being my favourite series and Ronan being my favourite character of all time. So, yeah... I'm scared. This fic is nothing special, but I've had an urge to write Pynch for a long time. 
> 
> Honestly, just have a good time. I hope you enjoy! :D
> 
> (Trigger warning: abuse. Adam dreams about his father hitting him)

It was a Friday, and so Ronan could not be bothered with school.  
He had accepted long ago that the Aglionby walls could not contain him. Son of a dreamer, dreamer _himself,_ Ronan knew he was so much bigger than all of it. 

~★~

The air was warm and the sky was cloudless as Ronan Lynch began his way to one of the long barns. Chainsaw was perched on his shoulder, feathers ruffled so as to soak in the midday sun. Today, Ronan intended to dream something that would wake Niall’s sleeping cattle; he had been trying to do just this for some time now. 

Only a few days earlier, Ronan had taken Adam here, and the two of them had looked through his failed attempts. _Failed._ He could not forget. Ronan could not forget because he was alive, and his father was not. Ronan could not forget because the evidence surrounded him every day; this place was every bit _Niall Lynch_ that it was _home._

Suddenly, he was reminded of Adam’s expression as they draped his dream moss over one of the sleeping cows. Adam’s awe as he felt the animal’s pulse quicken and skitter ever so slightly. For a minute, Ronan allowed himself to think about Adam, the way that he could make Ronan’s pulse do similar things.

He snapped out of it after realizing Chainsaw was rummaging through a box of Niall’s old things. _Not just things,_ Ronan thought, _dream things. Small wonders._

“Get out of there, shithead.” He halfheartedly swatted at chainsaw, and she rumbled un-appreciatively. Ronan knelt by the box of Niall’s possessions, and after a quick assessment concluded that nothing had been damaged.

As his gaze skimmed over the herd once again, chests only barely rising and falling, Ronan sank back against the wall of the barns. He closed his eyes.

~★~

When Ronan woke, he knew this thing would not work. In his hands was a clear glass orb no larger than the size of a tennis ball. Encased inside it were little leaves and vines, all curling in on themselves. It was not any better than his other attempts, and where had those gotten him?

With a sigh, Ronan picked himself up and placed the orb in a box filled with all of his other tries. It would be alright, he told himself. There would be other days. Perhaps he would test that one out later on. 

Chainsaw flew from the ground to perch on Ronan’s shoulder once again, and together the two of them made their way to the BMW. So much for trying. A glance at the time revealed that school would be over by now.

 _Adam._ He would go to Adam’s apartment, as he did often enough nowadays.  
It was not long before the BMW pulled into St. Agnes’ parking lot, not long before Ronan made his way up the steps and to Adam’s door.

His feelings for Adam were a complicated thing. It had taken Ronan long enough acknowledge the way he looked a little deeper, stayed a little longer, and burned a little hotter around Adam. _We’re best friends,_ he told himself, _and nothing more._

Ronan did not lie. This was when he discovered he could not lie to himself, either.

Ronan rapped his knuckles against the door. Adam opened it. The familiarity of it all was comforting, to say the least.

“Lynch,” He stepped away from the door, inviting the other boy in.

“Parrish,” They nodded at each other in silent greeting.

Ronan knew his place. He walked in and eyed the textbooks littering Adam’s desk, instead making himself comfortable on Adam’s mattress that rested on nothing but floor. There were blankets and pillows on the other side of the room that Adam kept here for the nights that Ronan slept in the apartment. Tonight would be one of those nights.

“How was school, Parrish?” Ronan was not usually one for small talk, but his mood was slightly soured from dreaming at the barns. Adam blinked away from his texts, surprised.

“Since when did you care about school?” He rubbed his eyes, ever the tired boy.

“I don’t.” Ronan replied. Adam only snorted in response. He was distracted now, and turned in his chair to face Ronan where he sat against the wall. They held each other's gaze in silence.

“Were you at the barns? Dreaming?”

Ronan nodded. “Stuff to wake the herd. Nothing but shit today, though. What I showed you a few days ago probably worked better.”

Adam only studied him, his expression. Suddenly Ronan was overcome with his feelings for the magician, as he often was these days. He knew that Adam had figured it out some time ago, had caught Ronan’s stolen glances and recognized the want in his eyes. It felt dangerous, this dance of theirs: two raven boys circling each other, one unsure of his place. Adam was a puzzle Ronan could not put together.

Adam had turned back to his work and was scribbling away at some study notes. Ronan realized, with a pang, that he was staring again. His only consoling was that Adam did not notice, too absorbed in his schoolwork. 

It must have been a few hours before Adam finally stopped and moved to put his books back into his bag. “Want to go to Nino’s for dinner? I don’t think Blue’s working tonight, so we can invite her and Gansey to come.” He asked.

“Cheng’s having another shitty party tonight, didn’t Gansey tell you?” Ronan made a face of vague disgust at the thought of what would ensue. Despite his typical bravado, he was not one for cheap booze paired with meaningless party games.

“Yeah, he did mention that he and Blue were going, you’re right.” Adam breathed a tired sigh. “I’m not going, anyways, and I know you find those kinds of parties _distasteful.”_

Ronan smirked at Adam’s tone. He watched as tan wrists and slender fingers pushed off of the desk chair. “You coming?” Adam directed his raised eyebrow at Ronan in question. 

“Yeah.”

~★~

They sat in one of the back booths at Nino’s, the black night pouring in through the window panes. The waitress came over and took their order, which was the same as it always was. They each paid for themselves, although Ronan itched to pay for Adam. 

As they ate, the two spoke about Cabeswater and what was to come next. 

“Has Cabeswater called for you again recently?” Ronan knew Adam was frequently out on quests to repair broken energy points in the ley line. It happened not uncommonly, and most of the time Adam was out to fix the ley line without so much as a word to any of them. It was slightly worrying.

Adam’s gaze met Ronan’s on the other side of the booth. “Yeah,” he mumbled through a mouthful of food. “It was a simple fix, broken line not too far off from Fox Way.”

“You crazy thing. Is it that fucking easy for you now, acting like it’s nothing?” They were both smirking, though. They ate in silence for another minute, but it was comfortable. Always comfortable, the two of them.

Adam’s blue eyes landed on his once again. “You sleeping in the apartment tonight?” 

“That fine?” Ronan knew he didn’t have to ask, but he did anyways.

“‘Course it is, Lynch. Tomorrow’s Saturday and I’ve already finished all of the homework. You know you don’t have to ask.”

~★~

As soon as they entered the apartment above St. Ages, Adam entered the bathroom to shower and get ready for sleep. Ronan grabbed the extra pillow and blankets from where they were left piled on the other side of the room. He lay them out on the floor next to Adam’s mattress. 

When the bathroom door opened, Ronan got up and made for it. Adam walked out in a white t-shirt tucked into long red-plaid bottoms. It was an effort to muster up the look of disinterest he had mastered over the past few months.

In the bathroom, Ronan changed into a white tank and grey sweatpants. He brushed his teeth and emerged to find Adam already lying on his shitty mattress, facing the wall. He lay without covers over him; the Henrietta heat was ruthless tonight, and air conditioning was expensive.

The lamp was still on, casting the room in a pinkish-yellow hue. Ronan found his place on the floor and reached to switch it off.

“Night, Ronan.” Adam said. His accent thick and voice quiet, already sleepy. It did something to Ronan that he could not exactly pinpoint.

“G’night Parrish.” 

~★~

Adam was dreaming a dream he had relived not only in reality multiple times, but also in his head. 

He was back in the trailer park, in his cursed double wide. He was minding his business- always minding his business- when Robert Parrish stepped in.

Walking across the room, Robert stopped just a hair’s breadth before Adam. He felt his father's cheek brush his, felt his hot breath against his now deaf ear. Voice rough and low, he breathed, “You’re spending all of that money to go to that rich boy school, eh? Never thought your parents might need the money, did you, now?” 

Adam’s eyes were ahead, gaze unfocused on the bedroom light behind Robert’s head as he continued to spit nothings into his ear. Adam wanted to scream that _he_ had worked for all of that money, _he_ was the one killing himself every day for a future outside of this nothing. By now, though, he knew that a response would only fuel his fathers fire, and so he kept his mouth shut.

When Robert pulled back to look at Adam, he flinched, already anticipating what comes next. “Look at me when I’m speaking, boy.” Adam clenched his teeth, hard, bracing for the blow. 

His father made a fist, raised it, and swung. “You _never_ fucking thought about us, _did you?”_ Another blow, he saw white. _Don’t cry,_ Adam told himself. That never ended well. On the third swing, the pain was too much, and despite himself the tears began to flow. He was sobbing, jaw still clenched, trying, _trying,_ to school his features back into stillness. 

Robert raised his fist again.

Adam jolted awake and let out an ugly sob before realizing Ronan was still here. The boy was already awake and leaning up on his elbows, blinking against the darkness to try and make out what had happened.

Another broken sob escaped Adam before Ronan flicked on the lamp. He bit his tongue to stop the crying, but he knew Ronan had already heard him. A long silence followed, and it was nearly unbearable. Adam was looking at the wall, but he knew that Ronan was inspecting his face, analyzing the situation.

A few more beats of silence passed, nothing but the sound of the covers ruffling on the floor where Ronan shifted so he was sitting up.

“Has this happened before?” He asked. Tone light and cautious. Another tear rolled down Adam’s cheek, and he neither wiped it away nor met Ronan’s eyes.

“I'm used to it.” The boy looked utterly broken. It was unbearable.

Ronan leaned one elbow onto the mattress and wiped some of the wetness from Adam’s cheek. He was walking a dangerous line. “That doesn’t make it okay.”

“Well,” Adam released a wet laugh. “Not like I can do anything about it.” He snapped. Adam’s tone was sharp and dismissive, but Ronan knew it was only because he felt vulnerable at anyone seeing him like this. It hurt Ronan to know this had happened other nights when Adam was alone.

“Was it him?” He asked, always careful. 

“Who?” Adam was wiping at his eyes now, once again averting his gaze from the other boy.

“You know who I’m talking about.” The statement was so sure of itself that Adam was taken aback for a second.

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“Yeah, it does. Look what he’s doing to you.” Ronan reached up and touched two fingers to Adam’s cheek. He winced slightly at the sudden contact, but his eyes finally met Ronan’s, blue on blue.

“It doesn’t matter because I know they didn’t love me, Ronan. It’s my fault for letting my father get to me. There was no love in that trailer. None _for_ me and none for me to give.” He let out a single humorless laugh. “I don’t deserve you guys.”

Ronan looked angry, now. Not at Adam, never at Adam. “That’s bull shit. You love Gansey, Blue and Noah- you love me every day.”

“That’s different.”

“What are you trying to convince yourself of?”

“Nothing.” Adam sounded embarrassed, trying but failing to conceal his emotions through nonchalance.

“My dad’s dead in the ground. So’s my mom.” Ronan made sure Adam was looking at him. “Besides Declan and Matthew, you know you guys are my family, right?” It was spoken softly, and there was a silence that came after. The two did not break eye contact, it was a rare thing to hear Ronan Lynch so raw. 

“Ronan-”

“-No, shut up.” It came out sharp, but was not meant to be mean. “You need to hear this right now, Adam. I fucking love you guys, even if I don’t say it. You’re my best friends. My family. Some days I think about where the hell I’d be without you or Gansey or... I’d be nowhere, okay?”

“Don’t say that.”

“You know it’s true.”

Adam did not have a response, so he grabbed Ronan’s arm and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. Ronan only tightened his arms around the other boy in response. They stayed like that for a few minutes, allowing Adam to release any remaining tears, to breathe.

When he pulled back, Ronan spoke up. “Here, let’s talk about something else. Get your mind off of this.” They were both sitting on the mattress with their backs up against the wall.

“Okay,” Adam started. There were a few moments of silence, but a glance revealed that Adam was struggling to say the words he was queuing up. “Can we,” He took a pause, exhaling. “Can we talk about your feelings for me?”

Ronan should have seen it coming. He had been foolish to assume that Adam had figured out how he felt and would never want to speak about it in person. 

“Parrish,” Ronan croaked, a silent warning that this would not go well.

Adam reached over and grabbed Ronan’s wrist. For a second his mind was all skin on skin, because Adam was touching him, and they were _going to talk about-_  
“-You don’t have to be afraid, or embarrassed, or whatever you’re feeling right now. Just- just look at me Lynch.”

He was too weak to do anything but comply, and soon enough they were both sitting cross legged, facing each other. They met eyes, but it was not long before Ronan’s gaze became best friends with the lamp next to Adam’s form. He could not make himself meet the magician’s eyes, especially when he intended to discuss something so fragile.

Because how did he take this? Ronan knew Adam had been aware of his feelings only a little after he had first realized them himself. Adam had not treated him any differently after making the discovery, either, and he was ever grateful for that small relief.

What he was certain of, though, is that things would not be the same after this night. 

“Ronan. Don’t act like this,” Adam breathed in, out. Then- “Shut up!” 

That got Ronan’s attention. His mouth quirked. “I didn’t say anything, Parrish.”

“You’re thinking loudly. Now be quiet and listen to me. Stop looking at that lamp like it’ll save you. You’re not in trouble, you know that. Because you know I’ve known about this for a while. I’m not an idiot.” 

“I know you’re not.” He stated dully. Ronan scrubbed a hand across his face, contemplating if he’d be able to escape this conversation.

“I see the way you look at me, Ronan.” And this, _this_ is what he hoped would be left unsaid. “Sometimes you look at me with more than just want, sometimes you look at me as if I mean everything to you.”

Ronan was clenching his teeth, begging his heart to slow. 

Adam continued on. “You like to pretend as if it’s nothing. You cover it up by being an asshole, acting like what you’re feeling is _nothing,_ when it’s clear to me that that’s not exactly the case.” 

Ronan felt the heat rising to his neck, because how could Adam know _so much?_ He had just proved himself able to read Ronan like a book, and why shouldn’t he be able to as much? Adam was Ronan’s best friend, he knew everything there was to know about him. 

_Except this,_ his mind screamed. _He wasn’t supposed to know this._

Adam stared at him. 

And then Ronan got up, grabbing his car keys and walking towards the door.

“Hey, _hey!_ Ronan, get your ass back here, it’s two in the morning. Turn the _fuck_ around before I make you.”

Ronan’s hand hesitated against the doorknob, contemplating if it was worth it. 

“Get over here, you dick. You can’t escape this forever. I just want to talk, and I don’t understand what you’re so afraid of. You can’t run from your feelings forever.”

Ronan turned his head to the side, only glancing at Adam as his teeth ground against each other.

“You know it’s true. And I know you’re only hoping it’ll go away, that things will go back to normal, but the fact is that right now you _look at me like I’m everything._ And I can’t ignore it, okay?” 

The only sound in the room was their breathing. Both heavy and low. Ronan turned and leaned his back against the door, looking at Adam.

“I tried to, at first. When someone looks at you like you look at me, it means something. Eventually it forced me to think about you a lot, too, Ronan.”

In this moment, Ronan though he might just die. Adam Parrish would be the end of him because _what the hell was he trying to say?_

“I was forced to come to terms with how I felt about you. Whether or not I could reciprocate everything you were clearly feeling. Are clearly feeling.”

Ronan could only watch the magician as he spoke. Under the lamplight, Adam looked curious, unsure of what to say next. He sighed.

“Just- just come here, Ronan. I can’t have a conversation with you while you’re standing at the door.”

For a brief moment, a spark hope flickered in Ronan’s chest. Adam wasn’t willing to let this subject go, and despite previous argument that Ronan couldn’t hide forever, there was the thought that maybe this meant something.

He sat on the floor, and Adam continued.

“Eventually,” Blue eyes flicked up to Ronan’s, faltered. “Eventually, it- it did things to me. The way you’d look like no one was watching, look away.”

“Adam,” Ronan croaked.

“Yeah, Ronan. Yeah, I know.”

They stared at each other, and while Adam was feeling slightly embarrassed at his confession, Ronan was bursting with so much emotion it was difficult to contain himself.

Instead of speaking, though, Ronan reached forward and grabbed Adam’s hand from were it fumbled in his lap. It felt good, natural.

Adam laughed once, wetly. Ronan squeezed his hand, urging him on.

“Beneath all that false bravado, you’re a good person, Ronan. I love that about you.” Adam smiled shyly. “You’re cute, too.”

Ronan smirked.

“Don’t act so smug, Lynch. I’m holding your hand. You’re acting like I couldn’t feel your pulse jump.”

“Shithead.” They were both smiling. 

“Actually, you’re pretty fucking hot, but I think you know that, too.” Ronan’s pulse skipped and quickened again, and Adam laughed as he tried to pull his hand away.

Once the laughter and squirming settled down, they were quieter, serious. Ronan looked as if he were struggling to say something, and Adam reached up to brush a hand against his cheek. He leaned into it, savouring the touch.

Ronan swallowed, studying the magician and his clear blue eyes. His pale brown freckles. He exhaled. “You’re beautiful, Adam.” It was spoken quietly, the words sure of themselves.

The breath stopped in Adam’s chest. In this moment he thought Ronan would be able to see everything he was feeling. As they looked at eachother, Adam realized he didn’t care, he _wanted_ Ronan to see what these words had done to him.

This praise, this statement, it held so much. Ronan had called him beautiful. The look in his eyes as he said it told Adam he meant it wholeheartedly. That thought was almost too much to bear. 

For a second, words failed him. Adam leaned forward until his forehead was pressed against Ronan’s. “You asshole, don’t just say stuff like that.” His eyes were wet.

Their noses brushed, and Ronan moved to wipe something from Adam’s cheek. His finger came way wet. “Why? I mean it. You’re beautiful. I have feelings for you. I’m glad I can say it. I’m glad you feel the same.”

Adam’s eyes fluttered shut, and he found that all he could do was breathe. Their foreheads were still pressed together, and he could feel Ronan’s breath against lips.

Adam pulled back slightly so they could look at each other properly. “Ronan,” He said.

“Yeah?” He breathed.

Adam kissed him.  
This Henrietta night was one for hidden truths, spoken. When Adam Parrish, the magician, kissed Ronan Lynch, the dreamer, he couldn’t help but feel that he was revealing his entire being to this boy. 

They stopped, paused for breath, and lips brushed once again. They were hungry for each other. Ronan, for his best friend that made his heart beat a little faster, for the magnificent boy that had given himself to a forest of wonders, for the one he thought he could never have. Adam, for the best friend that kept him grounded on the worst of days, for the boy that could pull magic itself from his dreams, for the one that he’d always had.

Ronan groaned into the kiss, savouring every moment. He had hated himself for feeling this way about Adam. Had scolded himself for staring at his best friend with want. Now, though, Adam had kissed him, told him _yes, you can have this, you are okay to want this,_ and so he took.

Adam’s hands came around Ronan’s neck, and Ronan’s own weaved into Adam’s hair. Everything was said through soft touches and rough breathing and silent permission.

It was beautiful, really. Two raven boys coming to the end of their dance, finally finding their place. Discovering that it was always each other. Their place would always be with each other.

“God,” Ronan said, pulling back slightly. 

“Yeah,” Adam agreed.

“Just- thank you, Adam. For being here. For being my friend. For this. For everything.”

“Ronan, you forget it was you and Gansey that found _me._ You two saved my fucking life, okay? Because without you two my life would be empty, my heart would be empty. Without you guys and Blue and Noah I would be living life with _nothing_ to show for it.”

Ronan nuzzled his nose into the crook of Adam’s neck, mumbling, “You’re amazing.” 

Adam only huffed a breath, feigning annoyance, but he was smiling. “Needy.” He said. Ronan pressed a kiss to his neck and rested his head against Adam’s shoulder.

“So,” Ronan started, moving so that he could look Adam in the eye. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Are you kidding? Of course. Just- yes, Ronan. Okay? Yes.”

Ronan nodded and Adam moved to kiss him again. He sighed happily into it. Eventually Adam pulled Ronan down so they both lay on his mattress, facing each other.

A few minutes passed in comfortable silence, and Ronan began tracing a finger across Adam’s ear, his nose, his mouth. And oh, how they _looked._ They looked because it was allowed, raw and open because they felt safe.

Adam’s eyelids began to droop, and Ronan remembered the time. “Hey, Adam, hey.” He opened his eyes. “We should get some sleep, it’s late, c’mere.”

Just like that, Ronan brought his arms around Adam’s shoulders, comforting and strong as the magician lay his head on the dreamers chest. They slept almost immediately, lost to the feel of another person keeping them grounded. It was a new thing, this love of theirs, but it would be strong, and it would last longer than they could ever know now.

It was the beginning of their budding love, and so it seemed fitting that they’d forgotten to turn off the lamp.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, you made it! Hope it was decent :)
> 
> Any kudos or feedback in the comments are much appreciated! Regardless, I love you for clicking on this fic and making it to the end. Have a wonderful day! <3
> 
> -Bushee ;)


End file.
